Dear Shannon,
This letter is a script of the life I have had, the changes that have come, and the miracle that is forthcoming.
My childhood was the best a kid could ask for. I had a loving mother that got up early every morning and cooked a wonderful breakfast for us all before we went out on our daily routine. We were never very close emotionally, but I knew she loved me. When I was about eleven years old she decided to get her stomach stapled to help her loose weight. My Dad agreed to pay for it if she was sure that she wanted to go to this extreme measure. The surgery went very wrong, to the point that my mom actually was dead for twelve minutes. The surgeon stapled through and hit many of her major organs. She suffered for nearly three months; the damage was so bad that they had to leave her open to heal from the inside out. One day at the hospital she called the nurse to her room to complain about a rotting smell coming from across the hall. The nurse politely told her that the smell was coming from the rotting parts of her own body. She never was the same from that point on in life. Knowing what happened in such detail has made me distance myself from my mother. I still love her, but I cannot say that loosing her would scare my life very bad at this point. Yes I would grieve her death, but not as much as I probably should. She has suffered so much that I have seen that her death will set me free from the sorry of seeing her suffer anymore hardships in life. All this may sound cruel, but my honesty comes from the want of not seeing anyone in pain.
My father you know is a very outgoing man. He was not always this way. When he and my mother were together he was very quiet and withdrawn, much like I was. Then when he finally had had enough, and decided to leave I saw the change in him that is now happening to me. He was always in fear of an unknown life that he lost sight of years before. The dreams he was working for were not coming true. He left on a Sunday night, after the return trip from Mississippi, which I have told you about. Well, after the divorce was final he married the lady of his dreams, just like I hope to do. Her name was Dorothy, Dot for short. She was really the only true wife he would ever have, because his heart will always be with hers no matter whom else he ends up with as a companion. Dot was another mom to me, she taught me how to make the biscuits I enjoy so much. They were together eleven years when she died of ovarian cancer. So really I feel I have already lost one mom. My dad is happy again with Jo now, but his heart will always be with Dot. My heart will forever be with you.
My annoying sister Kim has had a good life. She had everything she wanted as a kid just like I did. She never has stopped and thought about what all dad gave of himself for us. She held bad feelings toward him till after Dot died. Now she seems to be letting him back into her life a little at a time. Donnie has been a large part of what made Kim hold anger for so long. Donnie had really gotten close to dad before he left. Donnie's heart was broken worse than many of us realized; he had come to idealize my dad as being the perfect father. This is why Donnie still has trouble even talking to dad face to face.
My teen years were nothing special. I had to grow up quick because of dad leaving. I worked in the fields after school and on weekends to help out. You already know about me getting shot, well that is when I started girl chasing. Heck I had a good sympathy thing going. I dated a lot of girls, but I was always a gentleman. My heart has always been a little different for some reason. Don't get me wrong I really enjoy sex {only with you for the rest of my life} but I never went out looking for that when I was with a girl. My first thought was always how to make them feel good about themselves. You have made me realize that I can do this, and still feel good about myself. Your heart is made of the purest gold, and makes me feel good about who I am, and where I am in life. Oops, I got off track, so easy to do when thinking of you. Many times I would think about what I wanted in a wife. The whole picture was always a blur. I settled for the first girl that said she would have me. I would say that that was a mistake, but is all a part of what eventually led me to you. I received three wonderful gifts for the many years of unhappy times. The three boys that God gave to me to raise to see the world as I believe it should be seen. Now I have the only person on earth that has my ideas about what love is supposed to be, and to help me teach them what is right and wrong when it comes to choosing a love that will never end.
The changes you have brought to my life are incredible. You never knew me before, so there is nothing for you to compare to. My life has opened up with joy and happiness that I only dreamed were possible. Dreams of life with the woman that holds your heart in hers, not in her hand but in her heart. I feel that way for the first and only time in life. My heart is totally yours, no matter what you do with it; it will always be a part of you. As yours will always be a part of me.
Our life together will be soft and easy with a few rocky places thrown in, but every time we find one we can just look at the softness that is all around it. A beautiful wedding is what we need to get us right with each other and God. The chapel that we hope to get is one thing that will always be remembered, for not only its own beauty, but also the beauty of the union of our souls in front of God. We will make it through whatever comes our way, as long as we talk with each other's hearts in mind.
I want to know you, love you, honor you, keep you, cherish you, and most of all love you for the rest of my life. This letter is not what I sat down with intentions to write, but I thought you might like to know a little more about why I am who I am.
Let us take the time to love, laugh, and pray. For our lives together will never be long enough for me to do enough of these things with you.
